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Motherhood. May 10, 2009

Posted by Amy in Uncategorized.

This morning, as I was bombarded with demands such as “Make me cereal!”, “Put my hair in my favorite ponytail!”, “Mellows, Mama, Melloooowwwsss”, I began thinking about how I got to this point.   The mother of three beautiful, wonderful, sometimes annoying, but always fun little girls.

In the fall of 2001, when I was a young 18 years old, I found myself pregnant with my first daughter.  I can remember vividly taking the test and watching the lines instantly pop up.  I was nervous, excited and nauseous.    Although I had been living with her father, I was still scared to tell my own mother (she would know I was having sex lol).  She took it extremely well (a shock to me), and was excited to learn that she would be becoming a grandmother.

On February 14, 2002, as her father and I were lounging on the couch watching television, I felt her kick for the first time.   This was an actual kick that could be felt from the outside.  We spent 10 minutes or so poking at my belly desperately wanting her to do it again, and she did not dissappoint.   From that time on, it seems like she moved non-stop.

This pregnancy seemed to go on forever.   I felt like there would never be an end.   During the last two months, I would spend hours in her nursery – daydreaming of the day I would meet her, talking to her, unfolding and folding her tiny clothes over and over again.

My due date came and went.  41 weeks came and went.  The 42 week mark came and went.  At 42+1, my OB decided that she would schedule my induction the following Friday.  This would put me at 42 weeks 5 days pregnant.  At the time, I was so disappointed she did not send to me straight to the hospital from her office, but the baby looked great so there was no need.

On Thursday, July 17th, around 10 p.m. I was eating a very late dinner and started cramping.   These cramps soon became very painful, so at 10:30 I called my mother and she drove us to the hospital.  At the hospital my progress was checked and I was only at 1 cm.  However my contractions were making mountains on the the monitor screen so instead of sending me back home they decided to make me walk around the hallway.   Around 12 a.m., I was 2 cm dilated and got into bed.   At this point the contractions were the worst pain I have ever felt.   Little did I know, it was not “normal” for it to hurt that bad.    I spent the next 4 hours crying, sitting in bed, paralyzed from the contractions.  I was so angry that my mother and husband were napping while I was in such extreme pain.   At 4 a.m., my waters broke.  I felt a pop and then the bed and floor were soaked.   One of the nurses used a mop to get it up.   At this point, they checked me and I was only 4 cm dilated.

I refused all pain medication, and sat there for four more hours leaking and contracting.   At 8 a.m., I was checked again and found to be 10 cm – but I knew there was a problem when the nurse said “I think I feel a  butt!”   She immediately ran out of the room to call my doctor.  About a 1/2 hour later my doctor came in and checked and said “That is not a butt.  That is a FACE”.  My daughter was stuck in a face presentation, and had possible been that way for weeks.  That would explain why it took so long for me to go into labor and why my labor did not progress “normally”.  At this point, she decided to do a csection, because my daughters heart rate would drop with each contraction.  At one point it start dropping and was not coming up.  They started an IV and literally ran me to the OR.  The actual surgery was a blur.  I found myself back in my hospital room with a nurse saying “Congrats! You have a girl!”.    They finally brought the baby in to me.   I freaked out, because she was purple! I assumed she was not getting enough oxygen, but she was only bruised.  Her entire face and neck area was one huge bruise.  Her eyes and lips were swollen, and her neck was stiff, so she did not turn it at all for the first day.  She had been stuck in that position for so long it had caused this damage.

She seemed so tiny to me, but everyone else commented on how large she was.   She was 21.5 inches, 9 lbs 7 oz and beautiful!   The first diaper change took 15 minutes.  This was my first time changing a diaper, and she looked so fragile I was afraid I would break her somehow lol.

Our first night at home was miserable for me.  My breasts were swollen and I had developed a nasty mastitis infection.  The pain from that was worse than the pain from the csection.  B. would wake up crying every hour.   She was sleeping in a bassinet beside my bed, but it was still so hard to get up with her (going from a laying down position to sitting is hard work when your midsection has been cut open).  I finally decided to put her in bed with me, and thus began my co-sleeping journey.   She was happy, I was happy and we both fell into a peaceful sleep.

It seems like it was only yesterday when I fell asleep cuddled up with my first tiny newborn daughter.  Today, she is a big soon to be 7 year old singing me a mothers day song she made up by herself.   The time goes by so, so fast.

The journey through motherhood is stressful, amazing, painful, wonderful and sometimes frustrating but I would never give it up.  I LOVE being a mother.

Briana, two days old (before i had a digital camera so this is the only pic I have on the computer) –


Emilie, the day she was born (10 lbs 3 oz, 22.5 inches of baby love)  –


Maddie, one week old (the date is wrong)  –




1. gorillabuns - May 11, 2009

such beautiful children. it does make it all worthwhile in the end.

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